He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
