Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
