Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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