I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
