When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
