What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
