You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
