Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
