Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
