Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
