Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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