My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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