I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
