This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
