is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
