the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
