Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
