so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
