Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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