Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
