I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
