Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
