Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
