just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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