If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
