Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
