If that was your dad, he is hot
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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