Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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