im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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