Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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