do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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