dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
