She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
