Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
