Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
