If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
