I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
