She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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