either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
