i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
