I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
