Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
