he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
