brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
