So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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