I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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