are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Michael Bay diarrhea
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
