You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
