You smell like stripper and shame
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
