She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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