I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
