I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
