Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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