STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
