I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm too high and old for this...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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