people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
