I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
