I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
