i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
