Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
