Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
