i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
