How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
