I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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