or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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