do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
