Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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